Obsessive compulsive disorder makes it awfully hard to write a journal, I’ve never been able to keep a diary or sketchbooks because of this. I look at a blank page and if i’m not happy with what I see afterwards, I destroy it. The worst part about this is that I have a horrible memory. So whenever I redo, delete, or edit something….the information is not only disappearing from online but from my memory as well. I couldn’t tell you what was in my old blogs if I tried, because I destroyed them. I became so frustrated with them that they’re now gone. This is insanely irritating. I’m destroying my own history. I want to be an open book and things need to change for that to happen.

  I’ve been taking notice of the way my peers and inspirations share their lives, and they are much more loose and free with the way they do things. Even things as simple as showing what’s inspiring them is something new to me. I constantly try to streamline everything into EXACTLY what I want to show, but it never works out that way because i’m always trying to make it something else. Instead, I’m going to try to break my bad habits. No more filter. No more editing of my life. Maybe if I force myself out of these tendencies i’ll be able to have a journal of sorts and finally not forget everything. Because it will be here. An unedited diary that I can review someday, instead of a book with nothing but frayed paper where pages used to be. Wish me luck.